Umbrella Traffic?

Funny thing about the big city, the real traffic is on the sidewalk. When it rains in New York, the sidewalks have less people on them and less room to walk. There is no escaping the rain here. Even if you take a taxi some how you end up getting wet or getting your shoes dirty. The rain is inescapable. An umbrella is absolutely necessary if you plan on not being completely soaked. This makes speed walking a hard task because everyone sharing my sidewalk also has an umbrella. This is something I never thought that I would ever have to encounter being from a place where I can just get in my car and stay out of the rain. Cabs are so hard to get in New York City when it is raining. You have a better chance of getting hit flagging an “off duty” cabby than catching a cab in the pouring rain. Its crazy the little nuances that one would never know about this metropolis without abiding here for an extended period of time. I must say I am proud to be a new “New Yorker”. Its tough here.  “Hey, watch our umbrella”  I used to think my quick stays here were enough for me. As if I had experienced everything here that I wanted or cared to see or that even just that was enough. Its the little things that only locals get to see that gives this place its culture. Its spice. Its rep. But yea this umbrella traffic.......

The Run for Your Roses

This is the story of how we begin to remember

This is the powerful pulsing of love in the vein

After the dream of falling and calling your name out

These are the roots of rhythm

And the roots of rhythm remain......

All You Need is Love

Making his world a little colder. 

All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Give it your all for nothing, and everything will do it's same for you.

Got a Blank Space Where My Mind Should Be

So, I have been very absent from my writing lately. I have been really busy and in my spare time I don't write like I have been. I have been doing a lot of thinking. I seem to do that a lot now. I always come across things I want to write about and then I don't. Lately I have been growing at a rapid pace. I have been caught in this bubble. Its like I am in this dream, one where I have no voice. I want to speak up but I can't. Its not because I don't want to its because I don't have a voice. Its a difficult struggle wanting to be heard but not having any chance to be understood. I'm learning a lot from this bubble though. These past few months have been some of the craziest ones of my life. I haven't felt myself. I haven't been out of my comfort zone, completely insecure and constantly worried. I haven't had one day where I haven't thought about the things in life I miss. Thats not like me. There has been a blank space where my mind should be. So I am ready to let it all go. I am not going to waste the remainder of my time in Memphis pouting.

I am moving to New York City! I have about two months left in Memphis. Most I will spend on my feet working and the rest will be traveling to see family before my big move. I figure that I won't get to see them anytime soon because I won't exactly be close to any family. I will miss them dearly though I am eager to get out and live my life. I got a place lined up in Murray Hill. Its a 5 bedroom house. A house in NYC! I have never seen or heard of such but I will be living in one September 1st.

So Nice they Named it Twice

The city that never sleeps. Its a crazy place. My emotions leave me confused about this city. Fun, exciting, refreshing and at the same time depressing, cutthroat, and heartless. The food is AMAZING. I want to move here for the food alone. No matter what you want, the best food is here. Every street corner. The word "y'all" is great up here. If said, strange looks will come upon you. Its as if you were the biggest redneck and manners= nothing. I love this city but can I be myself in it? I will be myself anywhere I go but I had someone tell me tonight at dinner that your manners will change. I hated hearing that. I love being from the south and others appreciate it too. Trust me! 

I'm at a crossroads and I need everyone's prayers. I will say that I absolutely love NY, NY. I really want to move and live here but my heart is in my home town. I've always heard that following your heart is where its at but at times it has lead me astray. I hope that in the next week or so I can make up my mind. Sometimes in life, their are moments that are just too precious to let go of. I wonder at what point do they fade, if ever? I wish more than ever I could live my dream but very few dreams come true in the here and now. I can kiss goodbye my grass and the thought of raising a dog anytime soon. The thought of saving a good portion of my paycheck.

So where to go from here? Uptown? Downtown? West village? Upper east side? Brooklyn? I hear Williamsburg is nice. The thing about NYC is there is no ceiling. The opportunity is endless and the sky is the limit. So where to cabby? Wherever we go, can we take it slow because my heart wants to slow down?

Lost? or Prolonging the Inevitable?

I had a dream last night that inspired this post today. It was similar to my walk in the snow. I haven't been posting in what seems like forever. I have been really distracted. I knew I wanted to put this into a post after waking up multiple times and then falling back into the same respective spots or memories in my dream right where I left off.

I wish I could stay here forever. I am ready to do it all over again but so different knowing what I want to take away from it this time around. 

Stuck in neutral again and again. Is everything that shimmers sure to fade? Reaching for something that is too far to hold. 

When does it lose its attractiveness? Was that really me? How special is it really? Did I imagine it in my head? Perspective, in this case, is two-fold. 

Replaceable? Substitutable? Reasonable? When does faking it become real? How long do you pretend to be something until you become it?

Which way is up when all you know is where you want to be? Which way do I go when I'm tracked in segmented succession?

Never say never? Forever my endeavor? When you have nothing to lose, how do you measure failure?

Where do I go from here? Is this forever home? When will it become comfortable again? When and how does comfortability change? Objectively or subjectively?

Its all around me. I can see it all. Like a movie I lived in, seen all at once.

Clouds of visuals with captioned lessons the whole way through. Why can't I jump in where I want to intercede? 

Retrospective vanity?

Why did I grow so much to realize how much I haven't grown? Or how much I still need to?

Feel It

Its hard for me to express myself cause I can't protect myself when I'm exposed.

-He sees everything and feels it all too.